You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
