I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
