I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
