Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
