WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
