Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
