I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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