a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
