apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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