I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
