his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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