dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
