You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
