All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
