Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
