im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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