I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
