she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
