my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
