No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
