separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
