The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize