i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
