I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
