we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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