i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
