i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
