Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
