I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
