Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
