dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
