Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
