All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize