My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
