I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
