I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
