I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
