did you get engaged???
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
