he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
