Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
And then he peed in my hair
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