If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
