DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
