i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
