also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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