so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize