i jhust puked up my retainher.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize