Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
