I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Blood and glitter go together right?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
