i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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