I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
