At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
