Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
