I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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