Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
