nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize