he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
sex in a hospital.. check
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
