Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
