i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
