he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
