Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
