Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
