Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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