Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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