Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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