I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
