I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm bleeding and have questions
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
