just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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