Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
