Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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