During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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