So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
