the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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